MANILA, Philippines—Plain fans can’t be blamed for suspecting that it’s no longer a plain basketball match the UAAP will be hosting at the Araneta Coliseum Saturday.

Listen to this first, please:

“You’ve plans of watching the Ateneo-La Salle basketball game live?” asks one exasperated basketball fan.

Yes.

Quit it.

Why?

There are no more tickets.

* * *

Well, that has always been the problem with any La Salle-Ateneo game.

Everybody wants to see it but they can’t find any available ticket.

My friend Nandy Charvet of Mandaluyong, an avowed boxing devotee, has reason to be alarmed.

The daughter of his boss is vacationing from the USA and wanted to watch the La Salle-Ateneo game with a friend.

Streetwise Nandy is a tested fellow who could not get befuddled given this sort of challenge.

But I was not the least surprised when he rang to ask for assistance.

* * *

It’s like this. The last time this dear friend of mine asked for help, it was to trace and possibly recover a kidnapped person, the son of his big boss.

It was a tall task but, after we called up and coordinated with Gen. Edgardo Aglipay, the abducted executive was home and back with his loved ones in just three days.

You won’t believe this but Friday marked the full week—seven days—since we requested to buy at whatever price a couple of tickets to Saturday’s game.

As we went to press, the possibility of laying our eyes on one—yes, just one—ticket had become more remote.

* * *

Actually, the first thing I did to accommodate the request was call up a very reliable ally.

I rang up someone who has had dealings with off-booth ticket merchants, scalpers in plain parlance.

He asked around and was told that there were some P200 ringside tickets available at P2,000 each.

Deal, we shot back.

When we called again to make the payment, the guy said sorry, but the price has gone up to P5,000.

As if this was not too much already, this tag was raised to P6,000 on Wednesday.

No, we did not quit. We waited and waited but there were no movements whatsoever.

Meaning still no tickets, the reason we’ve finally given up.

* * *

Yes, a ticket to the La Salle-Ateneo game has suddenly become as elusive as that missing medal for Team Philippines in the Beijing Olympics.

That’s no exaggeration.

Django, Totoy Bulag, Johnny Widmark and the old reliables in the ticket underworld are all gone.

But the younger guys who claimed to have taken over the silent ticket blackmarket operations have themselves become scarce.

Reason: they themselves can’t lay a hand on even a single ticket to today’s La Salle-Ateneo game.

That’s no longer funny.

Years before, the situation was not this impossible.

There were instances when, as one scalper confided, they could get as many as 10 tickets from a contact in one of the two schools.

Today, seasoned scalpers are themselves left wondering who make money selling the overpriced tickets.

* * *

It’s a deepening puzzle.

They said they have some suspects but won’t dare name names.

From what we’ve been told, all available tickets, from the bleachers down to lower box and ringside, are equally divided between the two schools.

We were told that school officials have been wracking their brains on how to sanely distribute these to the hordes upon hordes demanding to be taken into the Coliseum, from friends and relatives of players, members of faculty, students, to overexcited fans.

There’s also this whispered suspicion about a new breed of car-driving executive-type operators who have been coolly making big money by cornering choice game tickets.

A sleek, skilled, fine-smelling breed of well-dressed ticket scalpers?

“One thing is sure, not even Malacañang can manipulate this dirty ticket game,” says Nandy Charvet.

* * *

Yes, Charvet swears, he has not seen anything as insanely intense as this La Salle-Ateneo rivalry even during the height of the Crispa-Toyota wars.

In the first place, it’s no longer a game they are playing.

These two schools are engaged in a tribal war, says Gerry Mayor, a former La Sallite.

“It’s a game of boiling egos, among fanatics who are there to give vent to their frustration and fight for their bragging rights,” he continues.

Anyway, before we sat down to rush this column, an officemate called.

His daughter is celebrating her birthday today and requested for a special gift: a couple of tickets to today’s game.

Don’t know how the poor fellow would break the sad news to his sweetie pie.

As for my friend Nandy Charvet, he has decided to go on temporary leave.