Rack and Opinion

Opinions are divided on whether sports television presenters should have opinions or not.

My opinion is that I don’t really have an opinion on the issue.

In my opinion though, presenters should be facilitators, drawing the opinions out of studio guests who have played football at the highest level and lifted actual trophies as opposed to the plastic replicas I was occasionally given as a child.

Steve McMahon doesn’t think I should have an opinion, at least not on air, but that may be because the cloak of devil’s advocacy I tend to throw on in discussions with him make me argumentative and not a little irritating. I can certainly argue my way out of a paper bag, when the need arises. I could write a pamphlet on it.

At year’s end then, and eschewing possible advice to the contrary, I am going to give my opinion, briefly, on every single Barclays Premier League team, ahead of 2011’s final round of fixtures, and gaze into a crystal ball that’s doing a better than average impersonation of a snow globe.

Blackburn Rovers – trouble with a capital T, and that rhymes with D and that stands for ‘drop’. Steve Kean says that he wants to buy 4 players in the January transfer window. I would imagine that top class footballers around the world will be queuing up to put pen to paper. Not.

Bolton Wanderers – 8 defeats in 9 home games so far, 4 points from safety, and Owen Coyle continues to insist that the team isn’t doing much wrong. Who’d have thought that any side would actually miss Johan Elmander, while club captain Kevin Davies can’t even get a game.

Wigan Athletic – I have this image that Dave Whelan and Roberto Martinez will set up a home together on a Caribbean island and raise furry animals. Before that though, Wigan will try to actually play themselves out of trouble, and you have to admire that.

Wolverhampton Wanderers – while Mick McCarthy’s interaction with a microphone should be minimised, for the good of all (why does he always seem to regard every post-match interview as a personal affront, and the questions he’s asked as puerile – even the ones that aren’t?) his players probably have enough about them to stay up.

Queens Park Rangers – Neil Warnock’s touchline antics continue to provide bags of entertainment, for most of the family. A centre-back pairing of Hill and Hall is simply too problematic for commentators, so I’d expect Tony to get his cheque book out during the January sales…and maybe even write in it.

Sunderland – with the world’s greatest player (Nicklas Bendtner…just ask him) on their books, and an inspirational man at the helm (loving the sweatshirts Martin), Sunderland will push on in 2012. They won’t win the league though.

Swansea City – won’t win the league either, but deserve to consolidate a mid-table position because they try to play attractive football. But then, so did Blackpool last season, and look what happened to them.

Fulham – always enigmatic; you don’t know whether they’re going to win 6-0, or lose 5-0. The club has some very tasty young players coming through though the ranks, while no one would want to meet the central defensive duo of Brede Hangeland and Philippe Senderos in a dark alley – or Martin Jol for that matter. Not relevant, I know, but it’s a good image.

Aston Villa – why Alex McLeish didn’t hire a PR consultant or a physician of spin when taking the Villa job is anyone’s guess, but the fans still haven’t warmed to him and his deference displayed in matches against the ‘big’ teams would give Uriah Heep something to live up to. No, not the band!

Norwich City – as the saying goes, “you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear” – although why anyone would want to even try is beyond me. Norwich aren’t trying to do that, which is refreshing, and they’re fun to watch. Any club that has Delia Smith and Stephen Fry on its Board of Directors, gets my vote for not taking themselves too seriously.

Everton – while I feel for David Moyes and the parlous financial position of the football club, I still don’t understand his apparent allergy to strikers. Oh, and Tim Cahill hasn’t scored a goal for the club in 2011. How did that happen?

West Bromwich Albion – a much better fit for Roy Hodgson (whose double chin, by the way, now has its own agent) than Liverpool, WBA have almost been entertaining, at times, this season. I still think ‘Odemwingie’ is a fine name.

Stoke City – an evil part of me wanted Barcelona to drop out of the Champions League and meet Stoke in the knockout rounds of the Europa League. I wanted to be at the Nou Camp to witness the reaction of the Barca faithful to the way Stoke play their football. The club should pay the fans to attend games, not the other way round. It doesn’t seem fair.

Newcastle United – I fear for them once the Africa Cup of Nations starts, as they’ll lose their two best players (Ba and Humbug…sorry, Tiote), but then any manager who gives regular starts to Hatem Ben Arfa can’t be all bad. Alan, are you with me on this?

Liverpool – has the impenetrable gloss that covers Kenny Dalglish begun to lose just a little bit of its lustre? Probably not. While King Kenny continues to be deified on Merseyside (that even rhymes, like a Beatles song), it’s comfortable enough to blame the players for not doing as they’re told and getting the job done.

Arsenal – the team and the way it plays continues, in my opinion, to be like a Joan Miro painting. Complex; sometimes gorgeous to behold, and then you ask yourself what it all means. There’s no denying that they play some of the best football in the BPL, but sometimes, we want ‘fish and chips’, not ‘hand-reared, spoon-fed Pacific king salmon on a bed of La Bonnotte potatoes, drizzled with a Chateau d’Yquem reduction’.

Chelsea – “I didn’t sign up for this!” Those would be the words I would place in the speech bubble over a still of Andre Villas-Boas squatting on the touchline (as is his wont) at Stamford Bridge. Enough said.

Tottenham Hotspur – are the eternally pessimistic Spurs fans beginning to believe that this could be the year? Probably not, it wouldn’t be in their nature, but in the best (and not always assiduously observed) traditions of the club, Tottenham have been very entertaining. Harry also appears to have had the squad on a regimen of sit-ups. The soft under belly has gone.

Manchester United – if anything, and quite remarkably, Sir Alex Ferguson’s appetite for the challenge seems to have become keener. How does he do it? Some would say that being dumped out of the Champions League has been a blessing in disguise, at least as far as United’s domestic aspirations are concerned. A 20th title for the devilish Reds? Why on earth not.

Manchester City – in David Silva, they have had the player of the season to date, and there’s certainly no lack of belief at the club that they can go the whole way. The air of utter invincibility however, has flowed under the Stamford Bridge, and that should give encouragement to the hoi polloi. Money can’t buy happiness, although I’m sure most of us would prefer to be rich and miserable rather than poor and miserable, but Manchester City may yet prove that it can buy success in the BPL.

There you have it. I’ve been criticised for not taking a stance in previous columns, preferring to sit on the fence like an overbearing owl with a hidden agenda, so I thought I may as well be opinionated to end the year. Feel free to contact my lawyers ‘Sue, Grabbit and Runn’ should you have any problems.

I would like to wish a healthy, happy and prosperous New Year to all. Yes, I did put ‘healthy’ first for a reason. I think it should be. But, it’s only my opinion.

Catch Andrew Leci on Monday Night Verdict every Monday at 8pm on ESPN and send in your feedback to [email protected]