Going bananas over barangay polls

THE WILD, to-each-his-own national barangay polls could indeed be vital to Philippine democracy, but could it at least compare in part to the popular fruit banana in importance?

Listen to super trader Baste Chua, a tireless health tipster:

“Bananas contain three natural sugars—sucrose, fructose and glucose—combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy.  Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout.”

Not only that.

“Versus anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood;  Versus blood pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure so much so, that the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit’s ability to reduce risk of blood pressure and stroke;

* * *

“Versus constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action; Versus hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milk shake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels while milk rehydrates your system;

“Versus depression: A recent survey among people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana, because the fruit contains tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to relax and improve mood thru vitamin B6 which regulates blood glucose levels that can affect your mood.

* * *

“Versus ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its texture and smoothness; it is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronic cases. It also naturalizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.”

Baste Chua happily notes that  many cultures see bananas as a “cooling” fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers.

“In Thailand,” Chua continues, “pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.”

* * *

Thank you, sir. By the way, could the banana help in injecting order and sanity in Philippine politics, like in chaotic national barangay polls?

“At a Twickenham school in England,” Chua relates, “200 students were helped through their exams by eating bananas at breakfast, break and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power; research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.”

Listen. Baste Chua did not have to say it, but bananas could help our leaders, mainly those in the powerful Commission on Elections, to at least think right and make it a requirement for aspirants for local positions be effectively employed. This should lessen the free-for-all that prevails poll after poll.

Bananas could also help our slow, overfed national authorities to push for the reshaping of the national constitution in order to prevent an impending national strike.

Or is that a stretch?